Why I went to college?

Life is constantly changing, how can one figure out anything when we don’t know whats coming next?

Someone asked me today why I went to college (university) and I just blanked… Why did I start studying again?
I think unfortunately I started school because I was unhappy seeing myself as a salesperson for the rest of my life in some hardware store in the dark somewhere cold. I think I started studying because people said I was a good writer, and having a bachelor might help with finding a job I really want. I think I started CSUSM because I needed the sun (therefor I chose Cali) and I needed to be close to media capital LA, so i ended up 1-2 hours from LA, taking a bachelor in mass media & communication.

Im graduating in May, and even though I’m almost done, I don’t know if I want to continue in media.. I’ve been so bored with theories of media and communication for 3 years that now I just wanna get as far away from it as possible.

That’s a lie, I wanna write, I wanna take photos and be creative and I want to be involved in the cannabis industry. So maybe some journalism on cannabis is exactly what I should do with my bachelor in the bag and my extending experiences in the marijuana dispensary.

Just some thoughts..

Advertisements

last semester

Back in school for my last semester… I’m so ready to be done with the studying…

Two days a week will be my dedication to school this semester, the rest will be my work days and hopefully ill be able to get some structure in to my days, need to get back to working out and meal prepping.  Within five months my whole will be changing again so time to have some routines so I don’t go all crazy when changes happened.

I will also make sure to start with a creative hobby, either more photos, painting or bracelets making.. best would be a little bit of everything!

Happy with the ending of these three long years… this will be my most laid-back semester so far.

Last of this, last of that.

Last night in Sweden for i don’t know how long.. I graduate in May, but after that I don’t know what’s next for me or where. I’d like to take advantage of that extra year in US that is offered to apply for after graduation. If I don’t get it or have all the requirements then I have no idea what I’ll do… Do I move back to Norway in order to earn decent enough money? Do I move to Sweden to be close to family? Do I move to Amsterdam, Netherlands for..well for obvious reasons… or Spain or Portugal or UK?

Baby step so I don’t get anxiety… first thing first… tomorrow I fly back to San Diego, Wednesday I’m back at Sugar Shack w my second fam ❤ And monday after that I start my last semester at Cal State San Marcos, last semester in school… and my last semester at the Cougar Chronicle and being photo editor again, which I’m more than excited for, first semester of photo editor was a try out now I’m ready to step it up a notch,

Life is good, goodbyes are hard, love is all around you just have to accept it!

MIMG_6565.jpg

what really grinds my gears?

The other day I was in a shopping mall in a town here in Sweden (where I currently am to visit my family), so after some hours of mostly window-shopping I feel the need to go to the bathroom.

In most malls in Sweden you have to pay 5-10 kr($1) to use the bathroom, ridiculous yes, but yet how it is.

Arriving to the bathroom I see the door is locked, thinking to myself “sweet, now i don’t have to pay, ill just grab the door when the person comes out”
The lady in the bathroom comes out looks at me while I’m reaching for the door and purposely closes the bathroom door…

IM IN CHOCK!
Asking the lady “what are you doing?” where she responds “Its not my duty to pay for you”… wtf… I got so chocked that someone could be so cheap and my response probably confirmed that chock as it went something like “no you don’t, but come on I’m a fellow human” … after she says something like “are you?”  and I went something like “what a bitch”…

I then of course paid the 5krs and went to the bathroom, the idea to pay for the bathroom here weren’t the problem… I had the money, its just such an inhumane cheap-ass thing not to hold the door for the next person..

For me its a given to hold the door for the next person, either it be entering the classroom or a bathroom stall which has a fee… I mean we are all on the same team,. at least that’s what I thought…

 

In the end it isn’t my karma that got hurt, and the old lady is probably locked-in in a bathroom stall somewhere now for the way she acted.. i’m still in chock and telling everyone this story because I find it so weird that a person can be like that… Is it just me?

That my friends is something that really grinds my gears. Grinds-my-gears1.jpg

Closing of a chapter

I first moved to Oslo, Norway in September 2009, it didn’t suit me then so I decided to move to Sydney, Australia instead.. in june 2010 I returned to norway in desperate need of money… Everything that happened in Oslo during my 5 year stay put be through hell while at the same time fooling me to believe I was happy, and for awhile I was. Really happy.

Today I returned to Oslo.. for what I believe to be my last time there.. maybe ever. I picked up my very last stuff that was stored at my old boyfriends apartment.. since I moved to Cali 3 years ago I never really felt like I had ended my time in Oslo. Today… I could feel it, i drove for around 6 hours, met my ex, looked at the empty apartment, in where we used to be happy.. to be honest I couldn’t hold back the tears.. still can’t.

Down in the storage unit stood my last boxes of old clothes, pillows, and other junk.. I couldn’t have taken us more than 30 min to fill my car up.

A last hug, a promise to stay in touch (a promise that will most likely break) and loving greetings to each others families..

I spent 7 hours getting back.. not because of traffic but because I took my time.. wondered why I didn’t cry more? Why I was so nervous in the beginning and why I’ve been hating on my time in Oslo… it made me who I am today.. it pushed me to test my limits.. Looking back.. Im okey with closing this chapter of my life… 8-9years as written in Norway, its about time to put all focus and attention on the now & the future!!

Oslo du er kult, men nå er de slutt.. IMG_6586
The sky on the road home.. if this isn’t a sky of a closing chapter with good vibes I don’t know what it.

That time again

I feel like writing, i feel like expressing myself… still nothing comes out when I take my time to sit down and do just that..express myself.

Life is a big rollercoaster.. you can’t be happy all the time, and when I’ve been happy for too long something has to happen, I just know, I can feel it.

boom.

Sometimes I feel like crying, for no reason but to cry. The sad part is that people around won’t stop asking whats wrong, and when I get that question too much I start feeling like everything is wrong… everything and every time I get that question it gets worse… Can’t I just cry because I want to? Because that makes me feel good.. at least until the headache kicks in.

And sometimes I cry because you make me… because I freaking love being loved and cared for and when I feel lonely and abandon I cry.. I’m such a baby.

 

Time to smoke, ease the pain..

Life,

I’m sitting here trying to come up with something to write, I have so much to say but for some reason I don’t feel like I can be honest.

As soon as you open up you give people a chance to judge you on a more personal level..

I used to be able to say that I didn’t care what anyone said or thought about me, because I’m been used to be judged. Lately I haven’t been able to recognize myself, what is up with all the liking needs and hashtags on insta? I’m proud of my photos and they are freaking awesome, but since when did I start seeking this confirmation?
IMG_4913

The life in america has gotten to me…
2016 was my worst here ever, I just found out that it wasn’t over.
I feel like such a weak person who doesn’t deserve better, i feel sorry for myself as if that would help, just because no one else cares. There are no surprises anymore.. you get what you deserve and i must be the worst.

Again now I’m writing this, with honesty and I’m sure someone will ask whats going on, or sit quite behind their screen and judge without words.

They say we all deserve happiness, and that its the law of attractions, but i’m too tired to pretend to be happy when i’m not, to be social when i’m not, to be false when i’m not.

life,..

A recovering alcoholic

(This is my unedited article originally written for my University newspaper The Cougar Chronicle. )

My relationship with alcohol started when I was around 13 or 14. It was there for celebration, for heartbreaks, in secret and out loud. For god’s sake it has such impact on me that I became a bartender when I was 19. Little did I know that I was about to lose control over it.

At the age of 21 I was in Bali with my sister, alcohol was there too.
Beer, daiquiris, vodka-Redbull and tequila shots, each glass didn’t cost more than $2
One night at the five-floor nightclub I’ve had enough.

Finding myself in the bathroom not able to go back out to dance or drink – it all went black

 

I woke up the next morning in the hospital, alone.

Some strangers had gotten me into a taxi, taken me to the hospital and made sure I was safe. Who were these people? Sadly but forever grateful, I will never know.

One would think I had learned my lesson, but when spending the night and morning with IV no hangover to be worried about, I was ready to get back to my dear alcohol and so I did.

 

Not even six months later I had moved to Norway and gotten myself a new job. Excited for the first company party, all the new co-workers and the free alcohol that was going to be served, I forgot to eat dinner.

The forgetfulness of a meal would come back to haunt me only hours later…

Rom and coke, my favorite of all time drinks together with tequila shots laid the way for disaster.

Told back to me, this is what happened…

One of the security guards comes up to my friend and tells her that it seems like her friend has had too much to drink, and to get her out.
Outside the bar where the party was held I apparently vomit on a co-worker. Not being able to get contact with me they called the ambulance

I woke up the next morning in the hospital, alone.

“No, not again” my panic started to rise; boy did I make a fool of myself last night.

 

One would think that I had learned my lesson, but a 21-year old girl doesn’t learn that easy. My depression progressed after that and alcohol was still with me. It gave me courage at least that’s what I thought I was.

Last Halloween I met alcohol again. Last Halloween I fought with my boyfriend. Last Halloween I got punched in the face. Last Halloween I did learn.

 

Alcohol, after 14 years I’m breaking up with you. Alcohol you are not nor were you ever good to me. Alcohol, I can’t handle you. Alcohol we’re done!

International women’s day

(this is my unedited piece originally written for The Cougar Chronicles)

Sat down thinking about International Women’s Day and stunned by the fact that we still need to have this special day to celebrate the achievements of women, everyday should be women’s day.

With the United States new president this day becomes even more important this year because with his new ruling our society is basically moving backwards in advancement. Yes I’m talking about the defunding of Planned Parenthood. Who’s genius idea was that?

Do you know how much shit you have to go through as a woman? We have to argue over the right to our own bodies, universally we don’t get equal pay for the same job as a man, we can’t show our nipples on pictures on social media, and we need to have one day a year to be celebrated on. Let me explain.

The constant debates on whether or not she can have an abortion are maybe the biggest issue. How is this not her choice and her choice only? Men who think they have a say in this topic should go back to bed, this doesn’t concern you.

How can we still not have equal pay for the same job? This shouldn’t be debatable either, if the work is the same, so should the paycheck. It is called equality progress.

On social media men are posting photos of their abs with their nipples showing but if a women does it get removed for breaking the rules. For god’s sake it’s just a nipple, WE ALL GOT EM.

IMG_4782

It has been over 100 years since the first International Women’s Day, yes you read it right, one hundred years and we still need this day. To highlight the social, economic and political achievements of women. Back then it was for the workingwomen, today it is for every woman and we need to start celebrate women every day, why you ask?
Because we f*cking rock girls !!

 

I might sound like one of those awful feminists that you hate, but if you just like me believe in equality between genders then my friend, you are a feminist too!

Which is a good thing, embrace it, and own it !

Being called a feminist should not be a curse word and because it has become one people associate it with negativity and unshowered hairy old women, which are only a handful compared to the amount of people calling themselves feminist but we so often forget about because their voices aren’t as loud.

It is long over due to start empowering girls all around the world… every day !

Girl you rock and you know it !

 

Split

Finally I went to the movies again, way too long since I’ve seen a new movie, I should probably just write about any movie/tv show I watch. 

Any who, late on Friday night I went to the movies to watch the movie Split. It is a horror/thriller, I got some of the same chills as from the Sixth sense when I first saw it, x years ago.

Storyline; a guy kidnaps three teen girls, it turned out the guy has multiple schizophrenia and has as many as 23 different personalities in him.

Hats off to James McAvoy (you may have seen him in some newer X-men movies), he portrayed the role really good. I was super impressed with how he manage to give each personality its own traits, he had different facial expressions and body language for each.

Unfortunately I was super excited before I saw the movie, so I was expecting more. I wanted to be more frighten.  There were different cues throughout the movie that made it more interesting tho, the therapist/psychiatrist had interesting views on people with multiple personalities, which at least made me open my mind for yet another potential for future human development. Watch it and see for yourself.

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_dba3fxx263w44c8g4o0cck88k_640.jpg

4/5 is the grade I give it.